My Daily Uniform And The End of Chemo Days

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I. Am. Done.  IAMDONE.  That fact makes my head spin a little bit…it doesn't feel real.  I don't have any more medications to take.  No more shots.  No more IVs, or bone pain, or nausea.  The big stuff?  The really tough stuff?  Is over.

 

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There are times when I feel a sense of excitement (Yay for me!  I made it!!!)….but I was expecting to feel a…bigger sense of relief, I guess.  Perhaps it hasn't yet hit.

Mostly I feel bewildered.  Like, WTF just happened?  I mean, it was May.  On May 16th, I didn't have breast cancer.   And now, just before Thanksgiving, I am a survivor

So I get up in the morning and put on my outfits and cover what's left of the chemo rash on my face and hug my boys and make them breakfast.  

But I'm tired.  I'm forgetful.  And I don't understand any of this.  How a few short months ago I was fine, and then I wasn't, and now I'm on this insanely long road to recovery. 

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It'll be OK, I know.  Someday I won't be so tired.  Someday I won't wear a wig.  Someday, perhaps, Pax (and maybe even Raines) won't remember 'that time when Mum was sick'.  I get to be a part of their someday.

And for that, I am eternally thankful.

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[wearing: jeans, sweater, hat, wig, similar boots]

 

Thank you all so, so much for your love, your words of support, your tears and all the laughs over the last few months.  You guys were a huge part of making this craptastic "journey" more bearable.

Happy Thanksgiving, Mamas.  

xo,

S

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About Author

Shana founded The Mom Edit in 2008. She lives with the love of her life (his name’s Mike) and their two crazy boys in downtown Philadelphia. She loves a good styling challenge (her engineering side shows eventually), appreciates kindness, and usually picks scotch over wine, sneakers over stilettos, and denim-underwear, always.

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41 Comments

  1. congrats on being done! enjoy this week and the holiday season with your sweet boys and family. (btw love your holiday cards so much! what class and sass and FUN!)

  2. I’m so happy you’re done with the chemo. What a relief! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I’m thankful for modern medicine for sure.

  3. Congrats mama!! You are awesome and haven’t ceased being an inspiration throughout. I hope if I am ever faced with such adversity I can have half your strength and grace.
    Happy Thanksgiving!!

  4. So so so happy and relieved for you. Give yourself time, Mama. It’s going to take a long time- heck who are we kidding, you are changed now. You went up the mountain. You will not be tired again one day,
    but you are changed. And that’s ok. That’s beautiful actually. As are you.

  5. I hope the “rest” is easily navigated. I’m certain you’ll do it with your usual grace. Thankful for the inspiration you are and provide. Peace, love and joy to you.

  6. Happy Thanksgiving Shayna. I read ANMJ every week, I have been following your journey and I am glad you are doing well. You are so brave. Enjoy dinner with your beautiful, smart, funny family.
    best wishes.
    Shelle

  7. As always, thanks for a dose of perspective. I was dreading the drama of the weekend to come, but now maybe (just maybe) I can just be thankful we all are who we are, good and bad, and that we are here together. If you can be SUCH a class act through cancer for christ’s sake, I can certainly deal with people graciously.
    So, so happy you can focus on recovery and resting this weekend, looking forward to the future with joy, not trepidation.
    Hugs.

  8. You’re the cutest little cancer patient I ever did see! But seriously, congrats on your toughness AND grace. Wishing you a year of blessings.

  9. Very happy that you are done. Thank you for including us on your journey. It certainly helps keep things in perspective. Happy Thanksgiving to a gorgeous mama!

  10. I am so thankful to have found your blog and you allowing us to follow your craptastic journey. Every one of us will be touched in some way by Cancer. You have been an inspiration these past few months,,keep smiling.

  11. You are precious Shana.
    Wishing you a joy filled, peaceful, relaxing holiday full of hugs and cuddles from your boys and good times, smiles and laughing with the family. Lots of laughing. The kind of laughing that releases a worried mind and lightens a heavy heart.
    You have come through a very tough season in life, thank you for sharing it with us strangers; we will all take something from it. Praying for healing and a smooth road to recovery.

  12. Oh Shana, you are filled with so much wisdom, so much courage, so much grace- you are remarkable.
    I recently read a quote online somewhere that in essence said “Everyone needs to be telling their story, for while it may be one story of millions, it is their voice that someone needs to hear it through.” You thank all of us for our support, but I am here to say thank you for sharing your story. I know that you have touched many, many people in sharing it- most likely in ways that you will never know.
    I am so thankful that on this Thanksgiving you are able to settle into life on the other side of all of this. While this will change you, eventually, one day, it will become something that you integrated into your being.
    The following is one of my favorite quotes; one I held onto after a trauma in my life. It makes me think of you, for you truly are a beautiful, radiant being.
    The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
    -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  13. Shana, all the best to you. I’m a longtime reader but I don’t comment much. I love your blog and am grateful for it. You’re an inspiration in so many ways.

  14. so happy for you & your fam & being DONE! no doubt something this life altering take a while to process. Have the best holidays ever!!

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