I apologize in advance for all of the close-up pictures of feet.
Also, if you are looking for manicure tips, you’re going to be sadly disappointed. (Yes, I see the glam mums on Instagram with the coordinated nail polish and I have no idea either.)
So, duly warned, let’s continue.
I know you are probably (certainly) underwhelmed, and if there is any sort of perking up at this photo it’s likely because of the fab sandals (which, BTW, are made in Greece of the softest leather). Yes. I feel you. But here’s the thing: I can’t seem to squeeze in a real pedicure.
IknowIknowIknowIknow. Lecture all you want, stand atop the mountain and scream about Mama Me Time and how we’re all Worth a Little Pampering and I won’t argue. But it doesn’t solve my pressing problem: Sandals on, pedi gone.
One would think, if pedicure time was such an issue (#firstworldproblems) that over the years I would actually have developed a steady hand. From all of that “practice”. To those I say:
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA- no.
My pedicure skills are embarrassing. Like, Raines-once-gave-me-a-pedicure-that-was-better-than-my-own-pathetic-attempts-and-he-was-four-at-the-time bad.
I blame my mother. She’s no better (in both the making-time and steady-hand departments), but she’s developed a genius nailpolish technique to make up for both lack of prioritization and skill. It involves painting your toenails with wild abandon (seriously, paint everything – nail, skin, whatever. Just cover those toes good.) and then, once they’re dry…take a shower. It turns out that nailpolish will slide right off your skin in the shower (with only a bit of scrubbing required). Seriously – try it. You’ll be amazed.
So. My problem, however, is that Mom’s technique requires a shower. And I only seem to remember my naked toenail problem as I’m stepping through the doorway - fully prepped and primped – and then CRAP. I look down. And there they are. My naked little piggies on their way to market.
So the other night as we were about to leave, in desperation I grabbed a random bottle of nailpolish from my basket of many (seriously why so many?). I was determined – DETERMINED – not to eff it up. I was going to paint the piggies with a steady, STEADY hand. I was slow breathing, I was giving myself a Jack Handy-esque pep talk, I unscrewed the cap, cleaned off the brush a bit – OK too much you need some polish on the brush, S!! And then carefully….caaarreefuuuulllyyy….applied it all over my big toe. GAH!
But here’s the thing: It was glitter polish.
Do you have any glitter polish? Not metallic nail polish, but glitter. The clear polish with glitter floating around? Yes. That. And I do realize it is typically worn by 8 year old girls. BUT! BUTBUTBUT! The clear polish part makes it rather foolproof. So you can just kind of glop it all over and then scrape off the bits you don’t need. Like, right there on the spot, no waiting for it to dry and then shower, and no nail polish remover required. (I mean it’s better if you try to stay in the lines, but if you go over, no big deal.)
And because the glitter is so reflective, even if you only have time for a single coat, it’s fine. It’s not great (as evidenced in my photo above) but I’ll give it the big ‘ol GOOD ENOUGH. Especially if you are peering down at feet from up high. (Ahem. Let’s skip the short jokes.)
I was so enamored with this speedy little glitter trick, that I dug through the nail polish basket and UNEARTHED – yup – MORE GLITTER.
This blue glitter nail polish was bought at Target that one day when both boys had been driving me crazy “Can we get legos? Can we get pokeman? Can we get soop-hero? MOM WHAT CAN WE GET?” that by the time we were making a beeline back to the checkout and passed the Essie display and even Raines was like, “Mom, if we can’t get anything FUN can we at least get that sparkly blue nail polish???” I was all SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR TWO MINUTES OF COOPERATION BOYS, FINE.
And then we got Starbucks and painted our nails and Pax fell asleep in the car.
And now? I have another glitter polish for last-minute pedicure emergencies. So there you go.
I hope you enjoyed this recent installment of BEAUTY: MEH. GOOD ENOUGH.