Did you have a happy Valentine’s Day? I wanted to photoshop a plate full of vibrators into this picture (HA!), but my skills aren’t that good. Ah, well. So. Let’s get down to it. If you recall, one of the comments on our Forget Flowers: Vibrators article was from VV aka “vibrator virgin”:
So, I’m a vibrator virgin (LOL) and I just wonder how you broach this subject with your husband without bruising his ego? I’m … Intrigued. But I’m afraid my husband may feel adding a vibrator would be a critique of his prowess in bed. I can’t believe I’m asking this on a style blog, but does anyone have any advice?
I asked folks to weigh in with advice for VV, promising that I’d strip out all names so we could discuss without the fear of some future google search returning your name with the words “dildo” next to it. [shudder]
Probably too late for me. Anyway. You guys had some seriously great advice (and a few husbands weighed in!!). VV, here’s the advice from The Mom Edit community:
From The Gals
We are super open with communication and sexuality in our marriage, so my advice is to just say to hubby: “how do you feel about introducing a vibrator into the mix?” If he said it would make him feel weird, then there’s the answer (although I personally would explore the why in that statement and see if there was a way that both partners could feel secure and comfortable with the addition of an enhancement.) If he’s all for it, then great! Pick one out together.
Try a vibrating cock ring. Fun for both parties involved, without bruising anyone’s ego, and that can segue to the “wand” style. They’re also less intimidating for first time users because they’re on the significant other and way less, um, intrusive.
I would just buy one, and then one night bust it out with a flirty, “wanna try this?” Keep it light and casual and fun.
Hello there! My suggestion would be to introduce a couple’s vibrator first…something that is meant to please the both of you simultaneously. Then you could introduce it as more of a toy to change things up, versus buying something that is only designed to please you (and therefore he may mistakenly think that you need something else besides him). Good luck!
Ask him about it when you’re naked.
My husband used to be quite shy about discussing sex and all related topics, so I get it. I cannot have an orgasm without clitoral simulation and had committed the Cardinal sin of faking one a few times when we were dating for the sake of his ego, before I knew any better. Consequently, he was working on false information when we finally decided to move in together and make a serious go at a relationship. I really wanted a toy, but he was shy in talking about it. I was a Sex Ed teacher and my confidence and frankness about sex intimidated him.What I found most effective was saying one lazy morning when we were eating breakfast (e.g. not doing anything sexually related) that I wanted to go to this Adult store that a “random friend” happened to mention was “really great” because I might need some new “panties” wink wink and I would love you to come with me and help me choose. He was ALL IN.We drove to the store I had read about and started looking at the Lingerie to get comfortable, then I made some jokes about blow-up dolls, and eventually I “happened” to walk by the toys where I said something like, “hmmmm this looks cool, what do you think?” We picked out something together and that is the big key. Offer him a buy-in. A great toy should be fun for both of you, anyway, so pick it out together.
Definitely check the local shops before buying anything online. Depending on where you live, there may be some excellent sex positive, female-oriented shops staffed by some very knowledgable and helpful people. G-spot in Chicago, for example, has a beautiful, non-scary interior, staff that show you how to change the vibrator batteries properly, lots of helpful info about choosing the right toy, and they even offer classes in subjects like “tease” and blow-jobs (not kidding, best $30 I spent in 2013).
Sex is supposed to be fun. You never know, your hubs might be like, “I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK!”
From The Guys
I’m trying to imagine a world where I wouldn’t be OK with this….NOPE. Can’t picture it.
Anything that makes you want to have more sex is going to be OK with me.
I guess if you brought home some giant dildo that looked like a dick, but bigger, than said you no longer wanted to have sex with me…yeah, I’d have a problem with that. But no part of me vibrates, so I just don’t see it as competition.
So there you go. VV, I hope this helps. And a HUGE thank-you to everyone who wrote in. Go, you.
We’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.
ps. Got a few questions about the legwarmers & shorts on instagram (@shanachristine)….the legwarmers are old Free People (these are very similar), the shorts are Only Hearts Venice Hipster Shorts.