I’ve been hesitant about sharing this, because I haven’t been sure how to broach the subject. This is a tough one. This was going to be a post about chinos, but hey…I feel like getting hardcore on ya’ll and talking about something more – about something that has affected my life and possibly has been a trial in your life, as well.
I have anxiety. It was recently diagnosed as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I’ve been dealing with it since childhood. I realized relatively recently that I must have been having panic attacks all those times growing up, when I would all of the sudden feel like I was losing control, became short of breath, start sweating profusely and would have to lay on the cold bathroom floor until it passed…and that it was not simply a low blood sugar problem. like I had thought. It’s not something I’d really faced head-on, because it’s not something I realized may be a problem for me…that is, until after having our third baby. It was then that I realized I was having more bad days than good and that the way I was feeling inside was something I needed to confront and seek help for.
So. I did. I went to see a doctor…and it was hard. It was really difficult to not only confront the fact that I wasn’t able to handle life, but also to have to tell someone else that fact. Thankfully, I have a very gracious, cool doc that handled it with a very laid-back and chill attitude. That helped a lot. I’ve been taking a low dose of anti-anxiety medication since then and it has helped. It’s not this miraculous difference, but it has taken the edge off. That said, anxiety has this way of creeping up inside of me on random days, regardless.
I try to explain it to others, but it’s difficult to do so. That’s almost the most frustrating thing about it, because you want to give a reason or an excuse for how you feel, but anxiety doesn’t provide you with one. You just know that it makes you feel like shit and you want it to go away, but no. It doesn’t. It persists. It grabs you tight and pulls you under…and getting out of its grasp is quite the challenge. I have to stop, breathe and will myself to relax and enter a more clear mind frame.
It’s fun! ha. No, it sucks. It really, really does.
I always imagine what I’d be like without anxiety. Ya know? Like….wow. I’d probably be this laid-back chick that has like 3 businesses, doesn’t become an exhausted party pooper at 9pm, can approach a group of people without over-think every. little. move. I make. Yeh, hmm…but it’s not me. It never has been, so regardless of what I wish I could be like, it’s not the reality.
I recently read this…
“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You take what has been given to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.” –Josh Shipp
It really stuck with me and then I ran into this post…and I was reminded. I am not a victim. I can choose joy in this life and push through the anxiety. I can even grow and flourish, despite it!
That’s really empowering to me.
On that note, or rather not at all, let’s get back to what I was going to talk about originally…I love a good pair of chinos. They’re one of my favorite things in life, chicas. Seriously. I always have a mad love affair with them during the Spring each year (while the entire rest of The Mom Edit team curses them under their breath when I bring them up).
They’re just so good to me! Maybe its the more “borrowed from the boys” look to them coupled with the fact that they’re freakin’ comfortable and can be worn with a simple top that makes me love them so, but IDGAF. lol. I love them.
top: J.Crew Vintage Cotton Tank Top – get this. I have two now. They are perfect for throwing on with anything..and they’re light and comfortable.
sweater: old, but this Michael Stars V-neck Sweater looks awesome.
chinos: Anthropologie Relaxed Chino Pants – can’t love them enough. TTS. *be aware that they seem to fade with each wash (in the green color I have them in, anyways)…which is annoying, but I still love them. Maybe the other colors do not do that? Also, could consider hand washing, which I did not do.
Shop more of my favorites below…
shoes: Lucky Brand Sortia Gladiator Sandal – a favorite of mine…always love a gladiator style for Spring & Summer.
Here’s to us – the ones that have to work through feelings of anxiety on a regular basis. Let’s not let the asshole that it is hold us back from living lives of joy, laughter and peace. Yes, it’s challenging and we have to dig deep some days, but it also has a way of fine-tuning us, don’t you think? I mean, is there one life without difficulty? Nope, so you either smile and rise above or you frown and fret about it. I’m choosing to smile (or at least, doing my utmost best to)…even if it does look like a crooked, quasi-creepy one some days. haha. Ya gotta laugh sometimes.
Find me over on Instagram (@camilledipaola) for more motherhood, style & some of our home…all a bit unfiltered & messy.
Photos by Christina Hussey Photography.