This picture was taken days before my final chemo treatment one year ago, yet it feels like a lifetime has passed. I know that some point I will stop noting the passage of time by cancer-related milestones (one year ago I was getting my last chemo, a few days later, my last chemo-related ER visit, etc.) but I’m not there yet. Instead, I often find myself off-kilter, like an outside observer of my life. It’s a feeling I fight.
I had another checkup with my oncologist last week at Penn. (Everything is totally fine, they just like to keep close tabs on you.) We talked about how I’m tolerating the daily tamoxifan (good), and how my energy levels aren’t quite up to par. My oncologist had promised that they’d return to normal levels in a year, and next week will mark one year since my last chemo, soooooo……WHADDUP, Doc? Right?
Yeah. Well. As it turns out, chemo is, uh, not the nicest substance on the planet. Life saving, to be sure, but it breaks you down. Like, really and truly breaks your body down. Recovering from chemo isn’t like taking a few months off from working out, it’s a whole different ball game. In fact, it doesn’t sound like a game at all. My oncologist’s exact words were, “If you ever want to run again, really and truly be a runner….you’re going to have to fight for it.”
I guess I’m not done fighting.
I’ve been putting off choosing the winners for this giveaway. There were just so many names: 250, to be exact. And in the comments, all of the heartbreak is there: my mom, my aunt, my sister, my mother-in-law, my best friend. There are moms of two, women who are pregnant, and a mom who is also dealing with the loss of a child.
In this fight, I wish I was well and truly alone.
But you, dear readers, have been so amazingly supportive. Both of me and my own personal fight, and now of these women. Together we raised enough money to spoil FOUR women currently fighting breast cancer with a $250 Stella & Dot shopping spree, plus a $100 gift card of their choosing. (I was thinking grocery stores but if they want Nordstroms I totally get it, LOL) Here are our giveaway winners (I’ll be emailing each of you as well):
1. Elisa R – nominated Terry I (Terry I, if you are reading, the universe really wanted you to win because the next THREE names picked by a random generator had all nominated you as well. Isn’t that crazy??)
2. Jennifer Y – nominated Lauren H
3. Jodi B – nominated Kristina M
4. Oh Judy – nominated Jennifer Z
Thank you – so much, so very, very much – to all of you who supported our #fightinglikeagirl trunk show. Love and light you babes. Keep fighting the good fight.
S
thank you! thank you!
So happy that we are getting to do something awesome for these 4 women. Thoughts and prayers for all in the fight!
I just started following your blog and didn’t know about your cancer. I went back to see if I could find the back story and found in your half-way there post, that you are from Marquette. I am from Negaunee!! What year did you graduate? ’88 for me. Where did you go to college? I went to Michigan Tech. What a small world. I currently live in NE Ohio with my husband, 8 year old girl, and 12 year old son. My mom had breast cancer twice at a young age so I have had aggressive screening for the past 15 years. I just had a lumpectomy this past April but everything was benign. I wish you continued health and good luck on getting your energy back. Oh, and I really enjoy your blog.
Shana, all of your posts are filled with beauty- beautiful photos, beautiful clothing, beautiful make-up, beautiful family and beautiful words. This post *this* post is filled with the most beauty ever- for your words, your fight, your courage, your generosity all shines through. You are a beautiful, sparkly, radiant soul. Thank you for being. xoxo
Congratulations on being a year out. That is great. A friend of mine in San Fran recommended I read you blog and have been following ever since. I love the work you are doing as a mom, amazing clothes choices, as someone who has had breast cancer and a fellow photographer. I wanted to comment on the fatigue. I was diagnosed in June of 2012 and had 4 rounds of tc. I took Tamoxifen for two years and I am now on an AI. I still feel the fatigue. Not debilitating but that I am about 20% less energetic than I was. I have 3 kids so that can be a bummer sometimes. They say the chemo is gone but I think it takes the body so long to rebuild and the chemo pause definitely plays a big part. That said I promise my self I will run a half soon.
Take care,
Jennifer
Oh my gosh! I think that number 2is my nominee! Unless another Jennifer Y nominated another Lauren H! I never win anything, so if this is my person this is the best thing ever!
Congratulations always sounds strange to me, but I suppose that’s what it is. Thank you for sticking around and for the inspiration you are in so many ways. I’ve shared your story and blog with many people, friends and family.
“I guess I’m not done fighting.”
I nearly nodded my head off my neck reading this line. I finished chemo in August, right after my 40th birthday. The first time I tried to run I cried like a baby at feeling like a 90 year-old woman. So I downloaded a couch to 5k app and three months later I wept all over again at being able to run 30 minutes without stopping. Every workout was more of an uphill struggle than I could have imagined but somewhere along the way it started giving me energy -back- rather than depleting it. Keep fighting Shana! I found your blog for the worst reason but you have been a total inspiration to me this year and I hope you know what a profound difference it makes to see you a year out the other side of treatment, radiant and full of life and love.
Kirsty – thanks for reaching out with such kind, supportive words, especially during such a low point. It is a battle, isn’t it? Sending good vibes your way. xoxo
Thanks Shana, back at you! X