Instead of sending new mamas home from the hospital with tins of formula, a cheap, scratchy diaper bag emblazoned with said formula’s logo, and a packet on why breastfeeding is best (hunh??)….I think every new mom should be sent home with a prescription for Premarin Vaginal Cream and a vibrator.  New Mom Sex sucks, and it takes most of us a long, LONG time (often measured in years) before we’re back on sexual track.  As I mentioned last year in The Epic Dry Spell (Sex After Baby),

“…go buy this vibrator.  It’ll buy down the ‘he’s been workin’ so hard down there and I’m not even close yet’ guilt.  Win-win for everyone.

Know what’s funny about that one little link?  It’s one of the most clicked links on The Mom Edit.  One of the Most. Clicked. Links.  So while we may not be talking about it (Have you ever swapped vibrator-shopping tips with your mom friends?? Didn’t think so.)….one thing is clear:  We’re all looking for some good vibrations.

In general, the top two brands I’d recommend are Lelo or Jimmy Jane.  Not only are the designs sleek and beautiful, but they’re made from high-grade silicon, are whisper quiet, powerful, and easy to wash (most are waterproof and can be used in the tub).

Keep reading for links, etc….

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2 – Lelo Liv Personal Massager

This really isn’t a vibrator, it’s a “personal massager”!  Take it out when your shoulders need a rub, when your feet are sore, when- [snort].  I’ll buy that angle when they stop making it look like a dick.  Also, Lelo makes a G-Spot massager – similar in size but more of a, um, curve, if you’re into that sort of thing.

4 – Lipstick Vibrator

This one cracks me up.  I wouldn’t actually recommend it (it’s just hard plastic, you can do WAY better), but it would be hysterical to bust out on a Valentine’s date: “Hang on honey, I just need to reapply my lipstick, OOOOOO”

6 – Lelo Pink Lily Massager

Um.  I’ve had this one for years.  Works great, not scary, nuff said.

8 – Lelo Ido Remote Controlled Couple Vibrator

Ok, so this one is interesting.  It rotates AND vibrates and, as far as I can tell, is meant to be inserted WHILE you have sex.  To quote one reviewer, “Gives you the feeling of being really stuffed.”  HAHAHA!

Anyway.

10 – Tenga Irohi Intimate Massager

Ok, so this vibrator is Japanese-made, and supposedly feels similar to mochi (the japanese rice-based marshmallow you can get on your Pinkberry yogurt). The one pictured is Yuki, but it also comes in a little pink cloud shape called Sakura.  Not gonna lie, I’m totally intrigued.

 

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12 –  JimmyJane Form2

The little “ears” on this vibrator are designed to fit on either side of your, um, special spot. [GAH THIS ARTICLE IS KILLING ME]

14 – 8GB Duet Lux Vibrator

Yes, you read that correctly:  8GB of storage.  Meaning…this vibrator is ALSO a thumbdrive!  So, you know, perfect for business travel.  You can get down to business at night, then in the morning, whip out your handy-dandy thumbdrive and be ALL BUSINESS…  #haha #NO

16 – Lelo Lyla 2 Design Edition Bullet Vibrator

A classic bullet vibrator in body-safe silicon…with a remote.  Use your imagination.

18 – BMS Spirit by Leaf Vibrator

This little leaf vibrator by BMS is perfect for travel.  Not only is it smaller than most, but the shape is so un-vibrator like that even if your suitcase was searched, there wouldn’t be some big embarrassing scene.  TSA would probably be all, “oh cool eraser”.

20 – Lelo Hula Beads

Based on the reviews, this vibrator seems to be the most popular with the husband crowd.  Basically, you can stick it in….and then give him the remote and, ohIdon’tknow, go out to dinner all 50 Shades like.  “What should I order, Mr. Grey?”

 

So there you have it.  Please don’t kill my vibe.

xo,

S

21 COMMENTS

  1. Ahh, these last two posts. Laughed out loud while reading both of ’em. So funny, so great, and yes, so real. These are why I love your blog!! Every mom needs a leather jacket and a vibrator! Keep up the good work, S.

  2. Number 8 forever. It’s designed to be inserted and it stimulates the clitoris during vaginal sex. It’s perfect for women who can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Wireless, waterproof, remote-controlled, and offers various pulsing speeds/patterns. Super quiet, comes in a discreet case. Husbands love it, too

  3. so real, girl.
    several years ago, my husband & i were given a little bullet vibrator as an anniversary gift (from some close friends who handed it over laughingly, but also in a serious “thank-us-later” way), and while it’s not been in constant us, we still play around with it – after ten years of marriage, it’s nice to keep having fun!

  4. Great post except for the Premarin plug. Not sure if you (or most women) know this but it’s named that because it’s made from pregnant mare’s urine. Google is your friend. The mares are impregnanted just to manufacture this stuff and then the resulting foals are either sold for meat or put up for adoption. Not a good outcome. Wish more people knew the truth about Premarin’s origins and collateral damage.

    • You can get compounded bioidentical hormone cream from a naturopath-ish doc/arnp, though, so there are alternatives. I’m a pharmacy tech and won’t use Premarin, but after 3 kids and heading towards 40, I can’t live without the Estriol (the compounded).

  5. This post rocks my world! I love Shana and her balls and her wit and just, wow, everything about you Girl!

    So, now that I’ve professed how rockin’ awesome I think Shana is, I feel like I need to come clean. I’m a virgin to the vibrator! I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m a sexy chic! I’ve just never gotten one. I kind of feel like the odd one out here. And I’m older than a lot of you–I think. I’m 42 going on 43 this Feb… Anyway, my husband and I have had (and will;) a really good sex life. I feel fortunate to not have experienced some of what you’re saying. I’m not trying to be braggart. I just haven’t had some of the above mentioned issues. I shouldn’t feel bad. Yay for me! But, Shana, after this list, I’m gettin’ a vibrator. Looks like too much fun!!

    Shana, do you wanna come to Hong Kong? I just want to know you so bad. If you’re ever in the mood for a holiday, you’ve got a friend over here, k?

    Keep it up Girl!

    Love you!!

    Ann of Kremb de la Kremb

  6. Not sure I would want one of these. I wondeif it would ruin normal sex for me, BUT I had to laugh just now when my mom sent word a friend of mine is on labor and that she’d like to send her flowers. I thought for a second of sending her this post as a laugh…but decided not to 😉

  7. I am sad that my husband does not have the $102.99 for the vibe with remote, but I am going to add that one to my secret wish list. I just had to tell you that I LOVE this post! It’s so real, yet also classy. Bravo!

  8. So, I’m a vibrator virgin (LOL) and I just wonder how you broach this subject with your husband without bruising his ego? I’m … Intrigued. But I’m afraid my husband may feel adding a vibrator would be a critique of his prowess in bed. I can’t believe I’m asking this on a style blog, but does anyone have any advice?

    • I tried to masturbate with DH after sex so I could orgasm… but it was just weird. I suggest a bubble bath, large glass of wine, and then retreat to a private space. Home office? Den with a door that locks? I work from home 2 days a week and that’s often how I spend my lunch hour. And I’m 44. I don’t really talk to him about it but we’re pretty shy when talking about sex with each other.

      Maybe start to venture into some adventures? Erotic massage is an easy way to start and he’ll love it. Then if he wants to massage you, you have a little magic wand and some oil… you could show him what you like. I’d like to be more adventuresome with DH, but it’s just a miracle if we can find the time/space/energy to have sex, so I’m just grateful for that.

  9. Have to say – love the post and the thought. I have several “little friends,” but my tried and true is the eroscillator. Absurd $ for a vibrator, but add the soft-finger attachment which is like a little marshmallow… http://www.amazon.com/The-Eroscillator-2-Deluxe-Massager/dp/B002T59P8C. I had had ONE orgasm when DH and I were dating – I guess he was trying to impress me? – and that was it. Post-kids, decided mom needed some me-time, tried several and then found this one. Only advice is that I use almond oil rather than lube. It’s more pleasant, and works well for massage [really!], and lasts longer than lube. Also check out literotica.com. Free, fun, and very effective 😉 DH doesn’t mind since I can’t orgasm during sex, and he’s too tired most of the time. And hey, I didn’t mind when he spent a little longer in the shower when I was 2nd & 3rd trimester pregnant [and then post-partum] and not really into sex that much.

  10. Great review Shana! Regarding the Premarin comments, many postpartum and older women can benefit from a vaginal moisturizer – which is *different* from lubricant, but they can be used together! Moisturizer helps with dryness, while lubricant helps reduce friction during intercourse. (Replens is one non-hormonal over-the-counter vaginal moisturizer.) But every woman needs at least one vibrator 🙂
    -Shannon (Philly mama & sexologist)

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