Forget Flowers: VIBRATORS.

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Instead of sending new mamas home from the hospital with tins of formula, a cheap, scratchy diaper bag emblazoned with said formula’s logo, and a packet on why breastfeeding is best (hunh??)….I think every new mom should be sent home with a prescription for Premarin Vaginal Cream and a vibrator.  New Mom Sex sucks, and it takes most of us a long, LONG time (often measured in years) before we’re back on sexual track.  As I mentioned last year in The Epic Dry Spell (Sex After Baby),

“…go buy this vibrator.  It’ll buy down the ‘he’s been workin’ so hard down there and I’m not even close yet’ guilt.  Win-win for everyone.

Know what’s funny about that one little link?  It’s one of the most clicked links on The Mom Edit.  One of the Most. Clicked. Links.  So while we may not be talking about it (Have you ever swapped vibrator-shopping tips with your mom friends?? Didn’t think so.)….one thing is clear:  We’re all looking for some good vibrations.

In general, the top two brands I’d recommend are Lelo or Jimmy Jane.  Not only are the designs sleek and beautiful, but they’re made from high-grade silicon, are whisper quiet, powerful, and easy to wash (most are waterproof and can be used in the tub).

Keep reading for links, etc….

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2 – Lelo Liv Personal Massager

This really isn’t a vibrator, it’s a “personal massager”!  Take it out when your shoulders need a rub, when your feet are sore, when- [snort].  I’ll buy that angle when they stop making it look like a dick.  Also, Lelo makes a G-Spot massager – similar in size but more of a, um, curve, if you’re into that sort of thing.

4 – Lipstick Vibrator

This one cracks me up.  I wouldn’t actually recommend it (it’s just hard plastic, you can do WAY better), but it would be hysterical to bust out on a Valentine’s date: “Hang on honey, I just need to reapply my lipstick, OOOOOO”

6 – Lelo Pink Lily Massager

Um.  I’ve had this one for years.  Works great, not scary, nuff said.

8 – Lelo Ido Remote Controlled Couple Vibrator

Ok, so this one is interesting.  It rotates AND vibrates and, as far as I can tell, is meant to be inserted WHILE you have sex.  To quote one reviewer, “Gives you the feeling of being really stuffed.”  HAHAHA!

Anyway.

10 – Tenga Irohi Intimate Massager

Ok, so this vibrator is Japanese-made, and supposedly feels similar to mochi (the japanese rice-based marshmallow you can get on your Pinkberry yogurt). The one pictured is Yuki, but it also comes in a little pink cloud shape called Sakura.  Not gonna lie, I’m totally intrigued.

 

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12 –  JimmyJane Form2

The little “ears” on this vibrator are designed to fit on either side of your, um, special spot. [GAH THIS ARTICLE IS KILLING ME]

14 – 8GB Duet Lux Vibrator

Yes, you read that correctly:  8GB of storage.  Meaning…this vibrator is ALSO a thumbdrive!  So, you know, perfect for business travel.  You can get down to business at night, then in the morning, whip out your handy-dandy thumbdrive and be ALL BUSINESS…  #haha #NO

16 – Lelo Lyla 2 Design Edition Bullet Vibrator

A classic bullet vibrator in body-safe silicon…with a remote.  Use your imagination.

18 – BMS Spirit by Leaf Vibrator

This little leaf vibrator by BMS is perfect for travel.  Not only is it smaller than most, but the shape is so un-vibrator like that even if your suitcase was searched, there wouldn’t be some big embarrassing scene.  TSA would probably be all, “oh cool eraser”.

20 – Lelo Hula Beads

Based on the reviews, this vibrator seems to be the most popular with the husband crowd.  Basically, you can stick it in….and then give him the remote and, ohIdon’tknow, go out to dinner all 50 Shades like.  “What should I order, Mr. Grey?”

 

So there you have it.  Please don’t kill my vibe.

xo,

S