Last Tuesday, Lana was sitting beside me at the breakfast table when I let out a chuckle. (Oh, hi, by the way. It’s Em, pinch-hitting for Shana this week.)
“Whatwhatwhat mom! What’s funny?” she said, leaning over to peek at my phone before I could pull it away from her. I had voice-to-text’d my cousin, Lauren, a few minutes before and had only then looked at Siri’s interpretation of my intended message.
We were talking about feeding our babes (her youngest is just a month older than Eleanor) and what was supposed to read “Elle ate a meatball with a ton of pasta, too” was sent as “Elliot’s akimbo with a ton of prostitutes.”
I mean, I can’t make this stuff up.
As luck would have it, Lana read it before I could turn the screen away, and despite the fact that neither “akimbo” nor “prostitutes” are in her vocabulary, she started cackling and proceeded to repeat the text fail aloud over. And over. And over again.
Fifteen minutes later and we’re on the walk to school. She sees her friend, Kaia, down the street and runs to catch up. “You’ll never guess what happened! This morning my mom was texting Auntie Lauren who also has a baby that’s Eleanor’s age but a month older and she also has a little boy but he’s like three and well she meant to say ‘Elle ate a meatball with a ton of pasta, too’ and Siri sent the message as ‘Elliot’s akimbo with a ton of prostitutes!!!!!’ Isn’t that hilarious! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Hooboy.
When we got to school, you guessed it, she spent every second until the bell rang running up to one friend after another to regale them with this tale. I’d see her gesturing, animatedly, arms flung out to her sides (akimbo, even?) until she reached her punchline, at which point — and this is the truly amazing part — her friend would throw back their head in laughter and the two would share this brief moment of hilarity before she’d skip off to tell someone else.
My mind was blown. I mean, kids can be wild and weird and a handful. But they can also be such beautiful, cool little humans.
To be clear, between her excited mumbling and the rambling anecdote, launched into with very little context, I am 100% certain these friends had no freaking idea what Lana was talking about.
But there they were, just basking in the shared joy of storytelling for the sake of…storytelling.
While I, of course, had the sole joy of explaining to eight different parents why they might be hearing the word “prostitutes” at the dinner table that night.
Now that’s a fun story to tell.
Speaking of fun stories…Chris was at his work’s holiday party last night, so I started bingeing Harry + Meghan on Netflix. It’s predictably indulgent and yet almost…relatable? And I’ve never wanted to befriend another couple more. Stalking properties in Montecito as we speak. (So far this “storybook cottage” tops my list at a cool $10M. Ha.)
I maaaybe just subscribed to GQ. Longreads published their Best Of 2022 — basically a curated list of some of the best articles and essays from all over the web — and it’s the perfect distraction from the chaos of the season. In keeping with the Royal Family theme (unintentional, I swear), I just finished Laurie Penny’s piece 14 Hours in the Queue To See Queen Elizabeth’s Coffin, originally published in GQ. It’s equal parts fascinating and clever (“…We can either keep calm or carry on. Some of us can barely do either….”) and makes me long for the days when I would linger over pieces like this in print.
Swappin’ cookies? We make Dessert for Two’s easy sugar cookies almost weekly (the butter is melted, not room temp, so you can make them at a moment’s notice), and she just made the sweetest Grinch version that delivers big-effort vibes with little effort employed. My fave. (Want more of a rolled sugar cookie for decorating? These egg-free, 4-ingredient sugar cookies are my go-to.)
Waxing poetic. I can never stop talking about Apotheke. They make some of my favorite scents, and this pair of holiday candles at Nordstrom combines two of the fragrances we love most. I stocked up on the Black Cypress last year — it’s perfect, woodsy and Christmassy without smelling like a car freshener — and the Firewood scent is nutty and spicy with just a note of patchouli that keeps things feeling really warm and nostalgic (but not like you just walked into a headshop in the Haight, promise).
For the impossible guy. I didn’t have the bandwidth to put together a new men’s gift guide this year, but here’s what I’m picking up for (notoriously picky) Chris: these gorgeous and dishwasher safe Italian coupe glasses (not to toot my own horn, but I spent weeks researching them); Truff hot sauce (on eggs and fries, at the very least); and this luxe cashmere set for lounging: waffled crew/sweatpants, both on sale! More good finds in the team’s super-curated men’s gift guides.
Glowing my mind. Biossance launched their new Squalane + Vitamin C Rose Moisturizer this week, and hot damn it is good. You can read my full love letter to it here, but it’s made my skin bright and glowy and is, without exaggeration, the best skincare product I’ve tried in a long while.
One last thing. We’re seeing Kaskade in the city on NYE with some friends. So now I’m on this text thread of moms frantically trying to decide how to look cool and kinda sorta young but, like, not trying too hard while also being comfy amidst a crowd of undulating bodies. (To clarify: I am very excited — just rusty when it comes to the club scene.) So far I’m thinking of taking a page straight out of my college freshman wardrobe and pairing these Dickies or cargo pants and my trusty Vans with a sexy-ish top. Like this corset-y thing or maybe this ruffled number.
Foiled again! But then, ohhh, there’s this silvery situation, too. But will I just end up a sweaty mess with one cold, clammy shoulder at night’s end? Ugh. Suggestions highly welcome.
Happy weekend, friends!
xo,
Em
Siri’s misadventures are a constant source of comic relief in our house too. I ordered that new Biossance moisturizer-can’t wait to try it.
Hi, I just love the edits!! Thank you and Merry Christmas