“Not the blog aesthetic, but I had to send you these photos because they are FIRE,” my photographer wrote to me before sending over the latest gallery from our shoot.
She was right. The pictures were something special. But, there was one picture in particular (edited in black and white) where I’m sitting in my Abercrombie & Fitch Dad Jeans that I think captured something else.
Instead Of Dad Jeans, A Reflection On The Moments In Between
I couldn’t put my finger on why this photo resonated so strongly with me…at first. Maybe it’s the encapsulation of motherhood I could see in my expression, or the state of the world we live in (particularly the past few years), but I think what she snapped was the moment between poses.
She captured me when I wasn’t, “on.”
Yes, there’s a palpable stress on my face that I’m sure most of us feel, but there’s also a realness I couldn’t fake, even if I wanted to. She caught me at a moment of naked vulnerability.
And truthfully, this photo feels more revealing than any swimsuit photos I’ve ever taken.
I feel like we all have that “best behavior” version of ourselves, but I’ve had to actively work on not performing this version of myself. It’s not inauthenticity as much as a defense mechanism.
Like anyone, I contain multitudes. I can be fierce and confident in my high-heeled booties and a leather jacket, I can be fun and whimsical in my floral cut-out dresses and colorful heels, but I think the “moment between the poses” outfit for me, when I’m not “on” is a perfectly broken-in pair of jeans, comfy top and sneaks. It’s clothing I feel good wearing around the house because I am, at my core, a homebody.
And maybe it’s the one place I can let down my guard. Maybe this is me not “on,” but in my most authentic state.
So here’s to the moments in-between. When we’re not performing and completely at ease in our skin and our clothing. Real outfits for real moments. That’s where I’m at.
Photography by the incredible Bultedaob Photography