Sooooo. I’ve been searching for a new pair of white cut-off shorts. The old pair of white BlankNYC cut-offs I wore in summers past (see how I wore them, here) are low-rise, stretchy, and — thanks to the Pandemic Plus, ya know, aging — now too small. So I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to find a pair in the correct size while upgrading to a slightly more modern cut: high-rise white denim shorts.
Diapers Anyone? Try These High-Rise White Denim Cutoffs
I’ve almost completely switched over all of my denim to high-rise everything — the leg-lengthening is not to be denied. So this — finding a simple, classic pair of white cut-offs — should be easy, right?
The problem is…once I’ve seen it….I can’t unsee it.
The Pair With Lots of Fabric: AGoldE Parker Vintage Cutoffs
If you are looking at the front of these shorts and thinking to yourself, “there’s an awful lot of fabric…right…there…” you would be correct, sir. I’m guessing it’s for absorption. Wearing a size 27.
I also ordered my usual size (26) just in case (typically sizing up in white shorts is my move, but you never know) and in this case, my usual size DOES look better:
However. The best I can do here is throw out a ‘not terrible’ which is typically NOT how I describe clothes I spend money on. So.
The Pair That Look Like Oompa Loompa Pants: Good American Bombshell Shorts
If you thought this post was about to get better, think again. Why, tho, Good American? WHY?
The Pair Where The Designer Tried To Get Cute: MOTHER The Dazzler
My whole life, Dad would warn me, ‘Don’t get cute’ and now I know why. Mother, Mother, Mother, you tried to “get cute”. And now tucking is tragic. Also? Still with the diaper vibes.
The Pair I Squeezed Into: DL1961 Karlie Shorts
“Maybe,” I thought, “maybe I just need less fabric overall?” So I forced myself into a pair of shorts that I initially couldn’t button, thinking they would have a sexier vibe. Less literal baby, more babe.
Still diaper, more wedgie.
So Maybe I Stick With Low-Rise (Like BlankNYC Cutoffs)?
These shorts are the exact pair of BlankNYC shorts I’ve worn in years past: they’re stretchy, suuuuper comfortable, and a much lower rise than I’m used to. They’re just…not…high-rise. Do I care? Do I like them? Do I like anything? ARE SHORTS LIKEABLE IN GENERAL?
Help me out here, Gang. Sometimes when I see something (diapers), my brain gets stuck (diapers) and now I can (diapers) only (diapers) see diapers when looking at white diapers. I mean cut-offs.
Shall we compare BlankNYC’s low-rise shorts to the AGoldE pair I said were ‘not terrible’? TELL ME TRUE, GUYS. WORTH KEEPING EITHER PAIR?
I’m thinking the baby in the photo on the right still has slightly longer legs than the baby on the left.
I’m either going to sit this one out…or keep both. Is it a diaper moment that will pass with time, or…?
At least my shoes are cute.