We sure did have a morning. Both boys woke up exhausted (Raines has been fighting some sort of long-lingering virus, Pax is just Pax) and then tromped down the stairs, maximum grump. They picked at their oatmeal, “It’s peanut-butter-and-banana flavored, guys!! It’s good…” (Sidenote: it wasn’t) and then both of them started doing…I don’t even know what.
I think Raines was drawing something on the back of a half-finished homework assignment — I didn’t quite notice because I was too busy going through the various morning “checklist activities.” Sock status:not on, teeth status: not brushed, backpack status:not packed, lunch status:not made, husband status: whistling merrily. While I rush around, Pax is kicking a soccer ball against the wall over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over until I killed him and now he’s dead the end.
But seriously. We have two minutes left before we leave for school.
It’s these last-minute efforts by my children to Change The Course of The Inevitable Walk To School that completely drive me insane. I’m not sure what on earth possess them to think, “We have two minutes left before we go to school. Sounds like a good time to play soccer/start a new art project/open up a 1,000-piece board game/realize my hair is sticking up in the back/decide I want to bring a special toy to school that I haven’t seen in 238 days.”
Guess what, kid: That toy got donated 174 days ago. But give me five seconds to pretend to think about where it might be before I start screaming again about shoes and backpacks.
But…I get it. I’m pretty sure — when I calm down — that I know what they’re thinking. They are thinking….absolutely freaking nothing. It’s not really some big conspiracy to Drive Mothers Insane…it just feels like it is.
I still remember the allure of the old piano my parents had (unfortunately) installed by our back door. Whenever we would try to leave the house, I would feel this overpowering urge to play something. Usually something LOUD. I still remember bashing away DUN DUN DA-DA-DA-DA DUN DUN DUN on that thing while my mother pleaded with me to just GET OUT THE DOOR ALREADY. “Why Shana? Why????” I remember her asking one day. “Why do you insist on playing every. time. we’re trying to leave???”
I was totally taken aback by her question. It had literally never occurred to me that there might be a problem. “Mom” I said, “it’s right there…how can you…not???”
She may have burst into tears.
I think of that moment when I hear the ‘whap’ of Pax’s soccer ball over my screams of “PUT ON YOUR SHOOOOOES”.
Why yes, you may call me Ms. Hepburn. Gwen and I both swooned over Reformation’s wide-leg velvet trousers. I want gold, she wants green, we’d settle for either one — they’re perfect for all holiday events (even black-tie). Talk about nailing that old-Hollywood vibe.
Cute (and affordable). My friend Cassie just launched her latest collection with Gibson, and I think it’s her best yet. Many of the really sparkly, fun pieces are all sold out…but don’t overlook this perfect black tee in ponte. Plus-size readers, there’s a champagne-sequined top that I’m DYING over…and this flirty cream-colored jacquard skirt looks just like one I picked up a few years ago from Maje (but at a fraction of the cost).
The saga continues…. I’m still trying to find not-legging workout pants. Several reader recommendations (from last week) are currently en route. My top contender thus far (keeping in mind that the Athleta stuff has NOT arrived) are these Adidas pants. They’re…REALLY good. They look more like trousers IRL and are incredibly comfortable and soft (not Adidas’ usual track-pant fabric, which I find slightly scratchy).
Running shoes, cute enough for travel. Several times a year, someone wants a recommendation for running shoes — not fashion sneakers, but actual running shoes — that are cute enough to wear every day. This is especially important for travel (running shoes take up so much freaking room in the suitcase). I came across this pair of Adidas (color reco: core black/maroon/swiftpink) and they’re good. I’ve been wearing mine nonstop, and they look seriously chic.
I mean…only if you like soft and glowing skin. Whatever. Colleen Rothschild sent over her latest product about a month ago, and I’ve been using it obsessively. It’s her micro-mineral resurfacing scrub that — I kid you not — is the closest thing to an actual microderm treatment I’ve had in a while. Unlike the full treatment, this one only takes literal seconds in the shower. The results are kind of amazing. If your skin gets dry, finish with her new toner. It’s such a good skin balancer, and we’ve been using it to soothe red, irritated noses from a bad virus we can’t seem to shake. Oh hey — it looks like everything is 25% off this weekend, too! (And if you’re new here, get the Radiant Cleansing Balm. I’ve been using it for years — it’s a total game changer.)
This week’s winner of ‘Totally Random Stuff I Likes’…these shower curtain rings have changed my life. The shower curtain stays on, the rings stay on the rod, yet everything comes off effortlessly when you need to swap or wash the curtains. I am now completely recovered from 20 years of shower-ring-induced-rage.
Mitch McConnell supports the Green New Deal? Thanks to Facebook’s new ad policies, politicians going into the 2020 election can literally run ads filled with…lies. To help illustrate how problematic this policy might be…Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez asked a few very pointed questions of Mark Zuckerberg about what types of ads she could run. The whole thing is amazing to watch — the girl’s on fire. Zuck, on the other hand? Yikes.