Guys. I have an important announcement:

I don’t think I want to be French anymore.

*pause for audible gasps*

I know.

I’m what the French call “les incompetents.” (I really wanted to say that during this series).

How did we get here? What went wrong? Did anything go wrong? Or did things go right?

Exploring French Girl Style: My Journey To Find That Je Ne Sais Quoi

First, you should know that I truly lived this experiment. This wasn’t just a gimmicky blog series. I really did get rid of a ton of clothes and attempted to style myself in a way that I thought was French. I studied the influencers. I wore the neutrals. I took off the makeup. I messed up the hair. I did THE THINGS. I wanted to come out of this and be able to say to you: “AHA! I GOT IT. This, THIS is the secret.”

But I wasn’t getting it. I just wasn’t feeling it. It felt costumey and like I was trying to be someone else.

And then…

I found it.

I realized that each day, as I wore any given outfit, I either felt great and confident or not so great. What was the difference? I was following all of the rules, but sometimes, it didn’t feel like me. And to be very honest, I think I didn’t really know what “me” was.

To be fair, it was only two months ago that I was CERTAIN that I was meant to be punk rock. I followed Sammi Jeffcoat as my messiah. I did (and still do) worship Laura’s style. I bought an actual harness. I pierced my nose. I added tattoos. Now, here I am eating baguettes and smoking cigs in an alley (JUST KIDDING, DAD).

I definitely did not know who I was or what was really “me.” And I’m 41.

Then I found this angel from heaven. She taught me about finding my style language and taking parts of what I love to create my own personal style language to follow. This was what I was missing. I highly recommend watching her videos for the details. To sum it up, it’s exploring vibes, people, outfits and all of the things that you love to figure out what your personal style language actually is.

But what felt like me? Which four elements did I need to have in every outfit to feel my best?

Looking at some of my favorite looks, they were all a little feminine, a little edgy, as effortless as possible while putting in a ton of effort, and had some sort of unexpected element.

When I had those puzzle pieces together, I felt my best. And I gave off that vibe. You know that vibe?

That MF-ING JE NE SAIS QUOI.

And that was confidence.

How The Journey Evolved: Exploring My Personal Style & Confidence

That’s it, guys — it’s just confidence. It’s not what someone else is wearing; it’s what makes you feel best. And that’s going to be different for me, for you, for Shana, for Laura and for Britney Spears. But if you really find your words and do the work (there is work involved), it is worth it. I’m going to show you.

Here’s an example. I LOVE #balletcore vibes. Like all I want are an actual pair of toe shoes and to wear tulle everyday. So, you’d think that I would feel great in the ballet outfit.

left: wrap top (old Reformation or similar) | skirt | leg warmers | similar ballet shoes

right: cardigan | boots | similar bag 

You would be wrong. Of course, this is an exaggeration to prove a point. In the first picture, this is that feminine vibe that I love, but it’s costumey and over the top. (It’s also over the top that I even own all of those pieces, but that’s for my therapist to work out.)

The next picture incorporates my style language (and a kitten).

4 Elements Of A Great Outfit — For Me: Edgy, Feminine, Effortless + Unexpected

Going off my new criteria of edgy, feminine, effortless AND unexpected, let’s take a look at what makes these outfits true confidence-makers.

Outfit 2 (Above)

Edgy: Black lug-sole boots

Feminine: Kept the satin wrap skirt

Effortless: Oversized neutral sweater

Unexpected: Maybe just the mix of it all together. I also like when I have feminine things with my tattoos — tends to throw people off.

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Outfit Idea 1: Faux-Leather Skirt + Sneakers

left: similar jacket | similar graphic tee | similar skirt | shoes

right: white tank | skirt | similar bag | shoes

Outfit 1

Edgy: Ramones tee shirt

Feminine: Leather skirt (also edgy)

Effortless: Big tote and jean jacket

Unexpected: Sneakers with it all

Outfit 2

Edgy: Black nylon messenger bag

Feminine: Wrap skirt

Effortless: White tank top

Unexpected: New Balance sneakers

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Outfit Idea 2: Jeans + A Statement Piece

left: similar button-down| similar necklace (old, vintage) | jeans | shoes | bag

right: similar blazer | T-shirt | similar belt (vintage) | jeans | similar shoes (old J.Crew) | similar bag

Outfit 1

Edgy: Wide-leg jeans (tattoos too)

Feminine: Ballet flats and satin shirt

Effortless: Oversized tote and messy hair

Unexpected: Statement necklace

Outfit 2

Edgy: Rocker belt and glasses

Feminine: Satin ballet flats

Effortless: White tee

Unexpected: Cropped blazer

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Outfit Idea 3: Slip Dress + An Everyday Bag

left: button down | dress | tote | boots

right: dress | boots | similar bag | similar necklace

I learned this styling trick from TikTok: Tie a button-down top behind your back, and it gives sort of a bolero vibe.

Outfit 1

Edgy: Lug-sole boots and glasses

Feminine: Midi dress

Effortless: Oversize tote/messy hair

Unexpected: Blue button-down shirt

Outfit 2

Edgy: Lug-sole boots and bag

Feminine: Midi dress and necklace

Effortless: Messy hair

Unexpected: Belt bag

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Outfit Idea 4: Jeans + A Tee

left: similar blazer (old J.Crew)| T-shirt | jeans | similar shoes (vintage) | similar belt (vintage)

right: T-shirt | gray jeans

Outfit 1

Edgy: Black blazer and tattoos (when in doubt)

Feminine: Gold necklaces

Effortless: Levi 501 jeans

Unexpected: Vintage New Balance sneakers

The second image I’m showing you is specifically for the gas station. Why, you ask? Because CONTEXT MATTERS. We can have all the language we want, but if I’m wearing a satin gown with the right words to the gas station, we have a problem.

But Do These Great Outfits Work For My Everyday Life?

Let’s explore this.

top | skirt | bag 

Here I am FEELING myself in a fancy hotel on vacation. All of my style words are existing here, and everything was fire. Before I show you this next image, I want you to think about all of the French women we’ve looked at on cobblestone streets, running in cool cities to an appointment, eating outside at a cafe, and living a very French life.

Here is my life.

Even though this outfit has my style language, my life doesn’t support this version of it.

And if you’re thinking, “Well, Amanda, you have a dumb face on, and this is an extreme example.” Meet this lady:

She’s so cool and chic.

Not as much in an Acme parking lot.

OK, fine, she still is. Whatever. You get it.

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Despite The “Not Wanting To Be French” Thing…

I did learn some Frenchery that I will use moving forward:

1. I actually do like neutrals, and I don’t need the neon-pink floral dress. Put it back, Amanda.
2. Quality over quantity every single time. When I see something that I think my closet needs, I ask, “Do I want this because I’m lacking it, or do I want this because it exists?” Game-changer.
3. Fit matters. I’m petite. I either need petite things, or I need to set up a payment plan at my tailor.
4. Trends are OK but be picky about them. I do love myself a good trend. But maybe instead of the harness and piercings, I could just smudge my eyeliner. Just spitballing here.
5. Check used-clothing sites first, every time. The RealReal and Poshmark are my go-to secondhand retailers for everything. I will only buy brand new if I really can’t find it and it meets all of my criteria for purchase.
6. One item in, one item out. This isn’t for everyone, but for a small-closet girl like me, it’s a must. If a sweater comes in, something on B’s side comes out.
7. I don’t need to have perfect hair and makeup to cover up my actual self. The imperfections are sometimes the best part.

Cue the PBS-special music as you read the next paragraph:

Friends and Americans, we began with a goal — a goal to be something more, something bigger than ourselves. Something French. But what we didn’t realize was that we were becoming a bigger version of ourselves. Not like bigger, bigger…like bigger, better. New and improved.

Like Dorothy, we had the power within us the whole time. The power to be French is great, but the power to be the best version of yourself is SUPER.

I’ve loved my time with you.

And I will be back.

Until then, to France and beyond.

Xo,
Amanda