I. Am. Done. IAMDONE. That fact makes my head spin a little bit…it doesn't feel real. I don't have any more medications to take. No more shots. No more IVs, or bone pain, or nausea. The big stuff? The really tough stuff? Is over.
There are times when I feel a sense of excitement (Yay for me! I made it!!!)….but I was expecting to feel a…bigger sense of relief, I guess. Perhaps it hasn't yet hit.
Mostly I feel bewildered. Like, WTF just happened? I mean, it was May. On May 16th, I didn't have breast cancer. And now, just before Thanksgiving, I am a survivor.
So I get up in the morning and put on my outfits and cover what's left of the chemo rash on my face and hug my boys and make them breakfast.
But I'm tired. I'm forgetful. And I don't understand any of this. How a few short months ago I was fine, and then I wasn't, and now I'm on this insanely long road to recovery.
It'll be OK, I know. Someday I won't be so tired. Someday I won't wear a wig. Someday, perhaps, Pax (and maybe even Raines) won't remember 'that time when Mum was sick'. I get to be a part of their someday.
And for that, I am eternally thankful.
[wearing: jeans, sweater, hat, wig, similar boots]
Thank you all so, so much for your love, your words of support, your tears and all the laughs over the last few months. You guys were a huge part of making this craptastic "journey" more bearable.
Happy Thanksgiving, Mamas.
xo,
S
