Men want to to look and feel good too, no? But a general inertia seems to plague so many of our menfolk in the sartorial realm. Mamas, it is a double standard and it is grossly unfair, but I believe it often falls to us to help the fathers of our children dip their toes into the new millennium. They need our help, as evinced by Ain't No Mom Jeans reader Kristen's hilarious email:
Kristin, it is through parenting that I have learned the utter genius of presenting acceptable choices. Just this evening, I asked my eldest son before bed, "Do you want to pee or brush your teeth first?" I always feel like high-fiving myself when that works–posing these questions can be more complicated than joke telling with a few drinks in a suddenly quiet room. You have to nail it. And you have to be willing to live with the choice. But if you do it just right, your kid doesn't even know you just played a Jedi mind trick and you're both happier without the conflict.
As the force has grown stronger with me, I've started posing acceptable choices to my husband, too. I no longer snip (ok, well, almost no longer), "Do you want to take the trash out, or should I (HINT! HINT! HINT!)?" Instead I try to ask something like, "Do you want to take the trash out, or make a salad?" Again, we're both happier without the conflict, I don't feel like I have to do everything because my psychic signals weren't deciphered, and hubs is just happy he knows what the hell I want.
So, in an organizing frenzy just before baby #3 was born, I decided to go out on a limb and ask, "Do you want to weed out your old clothes, or should I? Your closet is getting ridiculous," I added. Then, "Your clothes are tattered and janky," I blurted out. I just couldn't help myself. He honestly has not tossed even one item of clothing in my 11 years of knowing him. Seriously. Not. One. His response? Hubs was actually relieved. He knew it needed to be done, but he just didn't want to do it.
And that, Ms. Kristin, is where I think you're at.
So, my first suggestion is that you present your husband with acceptable choices. And add that if he doesn't want to help purge his offensive, grunge-era garb, you will take carte blanche (within reason–no throwing out first concert or tattered marathon tees, not even old girlfriend mementos or a hideous, but much beloved Steve Zissou shirt–ah-hem, see top left. . .).
Then, help hubs update. He doesn't need to go crazy. He's a casual guy. Fine. But by simply updating staples, especially pants, in his wardrobe–ones that were manufactured and purchased in this decade and from retailers targeting his age range–he will look instantly more put together, because the cuts and silhouettes of his new clothing will (shocker) also be of our era. Insist that he tries on everything in front of you to ensure fit and get him in to an actual brick-and-mortar store if possible.
Nothing too fancy, but very similar to an update for a mama. A great jacket that can be thrown over anything. Slimmer-cut pants. Good quality, well-fitting jeans. Interesting tops–a henley instead of a crew neck, stripes instead of solids, a pop of color instead of a plain white tee. Updated shoes. Also, I'm not suggesting you buy everything new or from these retailers–your man probably has a lot of what can work here already, and on-trend items like these can be found at really affordable stores like The Gap (20% off coupons, please!), Target and JC Penny.
I hope these are acceptable choices, Kristen, and that your mankover works out!
– M.
I buy my husband stuff that I like and I know he’ll wear, then after I come home and confirm it fits and he likes it, I say, “Baby, there’s just not enough room for all your shirts in your drawer now! Is there anything you want to give away?” And he usually agrees it’s time to purge and gets rid of a few things. The only advice I have is that you might suggest he save a few T-shirts (in good shape, of course) that he’s really loved over the years for your son. My husband’s picked out about 5 funny, interesting shirts that we both loved and I put them away for when DS is a teenager. Never know if your kid’s going to grow up to be a hipster.
I had this same problem and set my husband up an appointment with a Nordstrom personal stylist. He hates shopping but he had a great time and came home with some nice stuff.
I talked to the stylist first over the phone and gave her his sizes and preferences so she had a lot of outfits put together for him to look at as soon as he got there. I think it helped him to see it all together.
It is a free service and they have no problems working with a budget.
Great idea. I am going to try that. “Dear, do you want to go through your closet or should I?) I have been waiting for DH to go through his clothes for months now. I was inspired by you guys (for what has to be the millionth time) and made up a style board for him before the holidays. He loved it. I encouraged him to get rid of sentimental but no longer wearable-in-public t-shirts by promising to make a quilt for the man cave out of them. (it worked!).
This is a great post. It takes me back to the time I found myself asking my mother and sister in law, “Wait, am I supposed to be buying his clothes for him?” because he certainly wasn’t replacing the striped sweater with the two moth holes and a giant slash up the side seam; he just wore it anyway.
I find Lands End Canvas does a nice job of providing the retro vibe and good staples for the 30-something guys set, plus if you watch the website, you can get ridiculous deals. Their pants work great for my husband. (Except one time I got button-fly pants. For months there, every time he had to pee and he was wearing those pants, I had to hear about the ridiculous extra seconds it took. It was like I’d put a potty training toddler in overalls…).
These comments crack me up!! BTW….can someone pls tell me what DH stands for? I see it all over the internets, but…???
I started replacing Mike’s clothes early on. He’s like an absent-minded professor, so I’d just take off the tags, put it in his drawer, and make something else disappear. He rarely noticed. I’d just see him stare at a (new) shirt, then shrug, like, “This is mine? Hunh. Must be.” LOL But now? He has a major opinion about what he wears. To the point that I can no longer buy him a thing. I’ve seriously created a monster.
Awww! Thanks you guys, that’s my man you’re talking about. I love all these ideas and what do you know it’s the weekend, let’s get our shopping on!
Seriously, good ideas as always.
Ok, I kind of love the Steve Zissou shirt! But yes, every couple of years hubby gets updated with new jeans, (a couple of weeks ago ‘we’ updated to a slimmer jean from BR) and I keep him supplied in button up shirts, sweaters etc. The worst are the piles of free gamer shirts he gets from work. Those usually get relegated to the “work” clothes pile pretty quick. He was totally stuck in 1999 for YEARS, when Gap doesn’t make that style of jeans anymore you know you are in need of an update!
I LOVEEEE this post!!! & Can you pretty please do another similar post with ideas for warm weather once spring approaches? I’d love some summer looks to update my hubby’s wardrobe!
I think DH is Dear Husband.
I can’t imagine shopping for pants with him. We’d have to go to Cabella’s, I suspect.