I received the following email from reader K, simply titled, “help”.
I constantly struggle with what to wear. I’ve been much better since finding your site, however I have had a very stressful year and I am a stress eater. I wish I wasn’t…but now I feel terrible about myself and nothing fits. I’m back on track but the weight comes off much slower than it goes on… so instead of being miserable I’m just going to deal… however, what do I do? Nothing fits.
I’m so upset because my husbands 40th surprise party is in Jan….in NYC. I want to buy something new, but am looking for advice. What would you do? Would you buy bigger clothes? I don’t want to just stay here…. I want to lose the weight.
-K
First of all, K, you are NOT alone. I can’t count the number of emails I’ve received from readers, all asking a similar question. There’s just something so challenging about this time in our lives, isn’t there? Or heck – there’s just something challenging about life, period.
Here’s what I think:
I believe that everyone has the right to feel beautiful and sexy and powerful. To feel like a shit-hot woman. Ironically, this often t00-elusive feeling has virtually nothing to do with how we actually look. I remember reading an article once about this amazing, glamorous woman in her 60’s. She was rocking dark eyeliner and diamonds on the regular. When asked about her “beauty secrets” she gave a reply I’ve never forgotten: “It’s simple! I don’t look in the mirror. If I can’t see the wrinkles, they must not be there.”
Don’t look in the mirror. If that’s not the key to a happier life, I don’t know what is.
Of course, her reply was completely toungue-in-cheek (I mean that dark eyeliner had to go on somehow, right?). But the sentiment behind her comment is what really appeals to me: act (or dress) like who you are. And who we are on the inside – our best selves – they don’t always show outwardly, at least not in the ways we want them to. Life is often a big, complicated, crazy mess. We have babies, we get stressed, we gain weight, we get wrinkled, we get cancer and go bald (ha!)…is it any wonder that sometimes the people in the mirror are…strangers?
One of the reasons I am so passionate about style is simply because it is one of the easiest forms of daily self-expression. Through style we can attempt to express our true selves. Despite the wrinkles and the bags and the excess pounds and the chemo rashes….there we are. In our dark eyeliner and diamonds. (Mine will probably be fake.)
So, K, to answer your question….YES. For goodness sake, go shopping. Your self – your exact self right at this point in time – has had some Life to deal with. And you’re doing the best you can. I mean seriously Chick, rock on. So go find some clothes you adore that fit the body you have. A good fit + something that you love is bound to make every day brighter.
Ok. Where to start? Here’s what I suggest:
For Everyday
Jeans That Fit…NOW
Featured: ASOS Curve Ridley Skinny Jeans
You should always have a pair of jeans that fit. If you are in the process of losing/gaining weight, find something cheap so you can easily replace them as your body changes. I like Levi 535 skinny jeans, my sister swears by American Eagle Outfitters for low-cost-yet-cute denim (Wow – she’s right. I just added these to The Mom Edit’s jean shop) or try ASOS. ASOS is one of my favorites for quick, cheap, trendy pieces, and their plus-size line ASOS Curve is one of the most on-trend I’ve seen.
Layering Tanks
Featured: ASOS Cross Back Tank
Look for tank tops with a little extra length and a lower neckline – this shape is much more flattering on curves. Again, find something that fits now, and plan to replace.
Ponchos
Featured: Nordstrom Asymmetrical Merino Poncho
A poncho with great drape and an asymmetrical hem is always flattering – it’s that diagonal line that creates a long, slim silhouette. And the best part? Size doesn’t matter. The poncho that fits today will also look great when you’ve lost a few pounds (or gained them back). Fabric quality makes a difference, especially if you’d like to keep it for the long haul. I prefer soft merino wool or cashmere.
Long and Lean Cardigans
Featured: Shaker Stitch Cardigan (short sleeve) and Oversized Cocoon Cardigan
Cocoon and waterfall shaped cardigans are at the top of my list for figure flattery. They skim inches off hips, hint at small waists, and create a long, lean line. Another piece that will work even as your size fluctuates.
Cool Shoes
Featured: Ugg Elisabetta Weave boots and Ugg Mariela Military Boots
This is one area you can safely invest. No matter your size, cool shoes make an outfit. I know tall boots are often recommended to balance out hips, but I think a more modern approach is a slightly shorter boot. I wouldn’t go for a tiny little ankle bootie (that often results in a big hips – tiny feet problem), but a short boot with some shape (to show off the thinnest part of the leg), yet with enough heft for balance is my top pick. Lace up a pair of combat/military inspired boots, or try a pair of moto boots.
Jewelry
Featured: Gorjana Talia Ear Crawlers
In general, long necklaces can be trouble for anyone with a larger bust/stomach, lest they rest in the wrong place. (Not impossible, mind you, just tricky.) One safe bet? Seriously cool earrings. I’m over-the-moon about the new ear crawler / ear cuff trend. Not only do they make any outfit a whole lot cooler, but they draw the eye up (always a good thing) and are seriously kid-friendly. (I just bought these and LOVE them.)
It’s Party. Time.
Got Somewhere to be? Don’t buy a dress. In general, throwaway/fast-fashion dresses are almost always poorly made….and someone who isn’t thrilled with their shape will be happier in a dress with some structure. And by structure I mean good, solid, dressmaking. The solution? RENT. My hands-down favorite is Rent The Runway. For as little as $30, you can rent seriously well-made, designer dresses in all sizes (even plus sizes). Even better, customers can upload pictures of themselve in the dresses they’ve rented, ensuring you get an accurate look at each dress. It’s genius.
K, I hope this helps. And readers, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I suspect anyone who has ever given birth has learned a few tricks along the way about changing body shapes. Trust me K, you are sooooooo not alone.
xo,
S
